Birth Story

Holy whirlwind Batman!

A checkup at the doctor on 11/14/14 turned into "get to the hospital, we're going to induce you today." I was on bed rest for high blood pressure for a week and a half. At my Friday appointment, it was the highest it had been. So, cue panicked calls to the right people. I called Jesse at Amazon and told him it was go time. Even though I was instructed to go straight to the hospital, I wasn't about to go all unprepared. Jesse and I met up at our place and grabbed all of the bags.... good thing I finally got around to packing them! I called my mom and dad and told them I was being induced.

Jesse and I got to the hospital around lunchtime. By 2:30pm I was checked in and hooked up. They started me on Pitocin to get me contracting. Nothing major happened for hours and at 6:00pm the on-call doctor took pity on me and turned the meds off so that I could eat and shower. After almost 4 hours, I was still only dilated to maybe 2cm. So I ate and showered and then they inserted a medication called Cervadil. I hardly slept a wink. Nurses coming in to check the monitors (turns out baby didn't like having their heartbeat tracked so there was lots of monitor adjusting), machines beeping, nerves in high gear. The Cervadil worked through the night and the next morning they took that out and started the Pitocin again. At 11:30am when I was still only 2cm dilated, the doctor came in and broke my water. SO. MUCH. GUSHING. I felt like there must have been 5 gallons of liquid leaking... all day long. Turns out, there was meconium in my amniotic fluid because baby had a bowel movement. The nurse said it may have been due to stress from my high blood pressure. This meant that the NICU team would be called when it was time to deliver.

Well having my water broken did the trick to strengthen my contractions. By 1:00pm I was begging for an epidural. I felt amazing after they got it going. At about 3:00pm when I was still not really dilating, the nurse started to put me into some rather wonky positions. I was on my side with one leg held up in the stirrup and the other stretched behind me. Every 45 minutes or so the nurse would come in a flip me. She also had me sitting up on the edge of the bed. All this to try and get baby to descend further into the birth canal. By 3:45pm when the doctor came to check my cervix, I was 5cm dilated. He inserted an internal contraction monitor so that they could see how strong my contractions actually were.

Finally about 10pm I was 10 cm dilated! It was time to start pushing. Of course, nothing had been easy about my labor so why should pushing be any different? My epidural started to wear off in the throws of pushing. Besides for that going on, I was also very nauseous. In fact, it helped me push baby out because I started vomiting. It really helped get baby in the right position so for that I guess I should be grateful. I have no idea what time it was but when baby was crowning they called Dr. Sabella to come in to catch baby. He was fairly upset when he got setup for delivery only to learn that I could feel EVERYTHING that he was doing. They rushed to get me some more numbing medicine (including shots of local anesthetic right where you're thinking!). He gave me a 2nd degree episiotomy to accommodate baby's big head.

With Jesse's awesome coaching skills, I had kept it together pretty well. But, when baby started crowning, I fell apart. I was screaming, I did a little cussing, I told them to get baby out or put baby back in. By then, I just needed delivery to be over. It's true what they say though, once baby is out there is an instant feeling of relief and boy was it ever! I was so anxious to find out baby's sex and was about to have a fit when what I thought was an annoying gesture turned into a sweet one. Before labor, Dr. Sabella asked what the names were going to be for baby. When baby came out he started singing "Happy Birthday." Of course I just kept asking, "what is it?!" Then I heard it, "Happy Birthday dear Wesleigh, happy birthday to you!" A little girl. Jesse cut the cord and the doctor took his guess that I had just given birth to a 10lb baby. He was close. After some confusion, we finally figured out her stats: Wesleigh Rae was born 11/15/14 at 11:19pm weighing a whopping 9lbs 8.6oz and measuring 21.5in long.

Insert chaos. The NICU team had been called in because of the meconium issue. They started assessing Wesleigh and determined that her breathing was too fast. They were going to take her to the NICU for more evaluation. Jesse  had gone over to the baby incubator with her and when I was told they were taking her, I sent him with her. Poor guy didn't know which of us needed him more. As all of this was going on with Wesleigh, I was experiencing a postpartum hemorrhage. I was losing more blood than they liked. After they sewed me up, which I could feel (Ouch!), they started poking and prodding me. From what I remember, the doctor inserted medicine rectally, I was given shots in both legs, they attempted a second IV (even though I told them it was pointless), and they hung up new meds in my existing IV. All I can really remember is I was so dizzy and so concerned about Wesleigh. Nobody was telling me anything because all of the people working on me weren't working on her.

A nurse finally brought her over to me but because they had laid me so far back and because I was so dizzy I didn't feel comfortable holding her. It's a moment I missed out on and I'll always be sorry I did. I only got to see my daughter for a fleeting moment before they whisked her away.

They finally got me to stop bleeding and just like that the room was empty. It was like nothing had ever happened. Jesse came back to check on me when he had to leave the NICU so they could get Wesleigh taken care of. I remember having a melt down. Besides still being light headed, I felt guilty. The nurse had mentioned my high blood pressure could have caused the bowel movement and my hormones were raging. Those moments can go on the top three list for times I felt most helpless and most afraid. And I was literally paralyzed (from the waist down) and couldn't do anything to help either of us.

Thankfully the dizziness subsided. I was able to get a little update from Jesse and he had brought pictures to show me of our sweet little girl. She was covered in tubes and wires but she was beautiful and she was ours. My epidural finally wore off again and I was allowed to be moved to a recovery room after a while of being observed. When they finally got me settled in my new room, they wheeled me to the NICU and we finally got to hold our little girl. Wes was in the NICU for 6 days and that was a whole different experience. I was so relieved when we all got to go home.

So, labor and delivery were nothing like we planned. In fact, in birth class they tell you to write out a birth plan. I could have written 100 birth plans and none of them would have been remotely close to this. I wish so many things had gone differently. The panic, the episiotomy, the epidural not working properly, the meconium, the NICU, the postpartum hemorrhage, not getting to hold my baby, our families not being able to see baby after waiting 30+ hours. I am, however, thankful that at the end of the day we all survived to tell about it. 

Induction

Well, that escalated quickly! I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and my blood pressure was as high as it has been... So off to the hospital we were sent!

I was a bit shocked to say the least. I called Jesse and he met me at home to grab our bags and we headed to St. Luke's. After what seemed like an eternity, we were put in Labor and Delivery room 9. At about 2:30pm I was finally hooked up to pitocin to try and kick start labor. It certainly did cause contractions! I hadn't been feeling them on my own but the pitocin took care of that. At 6pm when I hadn't made any more progress than the 1.5cm I arrived at, the doctor took pity on me and stopped the meds so I could eat and shower. At about 8:30pm they gave me a different medicine called cervadil. That was in all night. This morning they removed that and I got checked... 2 whopping centimeters after all that. 

They are going to start me back on the pitocin soon. The only good news is that I'm starting to feel contractions on my own without the meds. 

Also, in my boredom this morning while Jesse snoozes away, I found out that our baby will share a birthday with Sam Waterston aka Jack Mcoy of Law and Order (if baby makes their grand arrival today). How appropriate :)

Pregnancy Woes

Sometimes pregnancy stinks. All the unknowns are a tough pill to swallow. 

Our last two appointments haven't gone as swimmingly as we'd hoped.

Two weeks ago we went to the doctor for our first real check on baby's delivery status. We had an ultrasound that estimated baby was rather large. Head down, but big. The doctor is a bit concerned that if baby gets too much bigger before our due date that baby won't fit through the birth canal. This brings up fun topics like induction and c-section. My OB said she'd rather I not go past my due date so hopefully baby will come out on its own soon.

This week brought on a whole new issue; high blood pressure. I have not had one bad blood pressure reading this whole pregnancy, yesterday I registered a whopping 146/95! That along with what the doctor perceived to be more swelling than usual landed me on bed rest. Until I'm cleared by blood work, the bed and I are best friends.

The good news is that I kept my feet propped up all afternoon and all night and my feet actually look like feet today, not sausages. The swelling in my legs seems to be less too. I feel fine so hopefully the blood pressure reading was a fluke due to stress (which seems even more abundant this week). 

Still not dilated much but apparently my cervix is thinning a bit. Baby was still head down this week which was about the only good news I got yesterday. 

Oh, and pelvic exams are a thing of the devil.

UPDATE: 

We heard back from the doctor today and all of my blood work came back normal. High blood pressure seems to have just been stress. I'm still on bed rest until our next appointment Monday morning but I'm feeling fine. I think the extra rest has done me much good if nothing else. Still waiting for baby to get this show on the road!!

Baby's Almost Here

Today I am 36 weeks pregnant! Can you believe it!?

The past two months we have been taking all kinds of baby classes. We took a breast feeding class, a baby care class, and a birthing class. Some of it was a bit overwhelming but definitely stuff we need to know. There's a lot of things to know about bringing a newborn home and the classes made us feel a bit more prepared.

I finally packed us a hospital bag and filled the diaper bag so I guess all we really need to do is figure out how to install the car seat!

Life seems to be slowing a bit which I'm extremely thankful for because for the past few months it was go, go, go! 

For your viewing pleasure... We hired a photographer, Brittany Brooks Photography, to take some maternity photos of us.

Baby Showers Galore

Phew! Haven't blogged in a bit so I'll probably post a couple entries. Let's start with baby showers!!

Early Septemeber we had a baby shower in San Angelo. It was hosted by a bunch of my mom's friends and Allison. Everything was so cute and safari themed. We played a bunch of games and baby was spoiled rotten! When we got home, you could hardly see the nursery floor because of all the gift bags. 

Mid September, my friends hosted a shower for us here in San Antonio. It was at Kayeligh's house and so much fun! The cake was so adorable and it tasted just as good as it looked! Baby got even more goodies and I was finally ready to try and tackle finding a home for everything.

In October, my coworkers surprised us with another shower! There was cake and we got a few goodies and everyone chipped in to buy us a playpen.

Baby is super set when it comes to things he/she will need. I finally found a home for everything after a weekend spent cleaning out closets and a trip to the storage unit. I guess it's fair to say that we are about as ready as we are going to be for baby's arrival.

Pregnancy Update

It's been a while since I've posted about baby. We've been BUSY! I don't think we've ever been so busy since I've become pregnant and it doesn't seem like our calendars will clear anytime soon. 

Let's see.... 

At the end of June, we visited family in the Houston area. That's when I first felt baby move! We were at a baseball game and baby must've enjoyed it. That was at 19 weeks.

Jesse was able to feel baby at 21 weeks. We were lying in bed one morning and Jesse had put his hand on my growing belly. I started to feel baby kick so I told Jesse to move his hand a little to the left... Baby kicked daddy for the first time! 

It's still so surreal every time baby moves. I catch myself just staring trying to see my belly move. Baby moves most at night after I shower and get relaxed lying in bed. It's cool to watch but also sort of wonderfully weird. 

What else have we been up to?

We traveled to a Fiveash family reunion, that would be my mom's side of the family. We welcomed a new niece into the family. We celebrated Dad's 58th birthday with a limo ride to dinner. My sister in law Amanda gave birth July 20th to baby Amelia. We traveled to Lubbock for a small Hanrahan get together. Jesse's sister who lives in Utah drove her family to Lubbock and we all met there for the weekend. We got to meet two of our nieces and see the others. This weekend I attended a baby brunch  for a friend who is due 11 days before us.

What's next? Well, we are super excited to be celebrating Baby H next month. Next month we are having a baby shower in San Angelo and one in San Antonio. We've also signed up for 3 classes at the hospital: baby care, breast feeding, and childbirth. Lots of birthdays to celebrate in October and baby will be here in November! 

I can't wait for the showers. I'm ready to celebrate! I'm also ready to get the nursery organized. After the showers, I'm hoping to really get things ready for baby's arrival. 

Had a little scare a couple weeks ago. I was in a fender bender. Very minor but scary none the less. Baby is fine and that's what is most important! I'm so thankful that the accident wasn't worse.

Health wise, baby has been great at all of our check ups. Next week I have to take my glucose test for gestational diabetes. 

Busy busy busy! It's hard to believe in about 3 months baby will be here! The holidays are going to be a little crazy this year! We better get some shopping done early.

Daniel 3:17

Ever doubt your faith? Think God isn't listening? Feel alone?

After a tough moment yesterday, it's all I could think about. I was reminded of the biggest battle going on in our lives. Reminded with a swift kick to the gut. Cancer blows. It could be worse, but it could be better. It seems cancer has a way of rearing it's ugly head just when you least expect it. It's terrible and it leaves me feeling lost in faith.

I was thinking this morning on the way to church that I needed to dive into the Bible and find some kind of scripture to help me get through this tough moment. To help me run to God, not from Him.

See, when Jesse was in his accident, I couldn't run far enough, fast enough. Instead of turning to God, I got angry. I was mad at God for allowing this to happen to Jesse, to me. I didn't understand how something so awful could happen to someone so good. Why us? Why now? Why? The truth is, I'll never have answers. I never get to know. I can speculate. Maybe God wanted us to see that this relationship was the one worth fighting for. Maybe He wanted us to grow together. Who knows.

With Dad's cancer diagnosis, I made a conscious decision to run to God, and not further away. I wanted to do it different this time. I know I will never have answers for this trial either but this time I want to be okay with that. I want a better relationship with God despite my struggle with this devastating blow.

So, I needed to feel Him today. More than some other days. I was tested yesterday and felt like I failed. I was angry again. I was mad about cancer. I was mad about God allowing this to happen. The truth is, God doesn't do things TO us.

This morning's sermon was my first clue that God is listening. God knows that I suffer. He knows that cancer is breaking my heart. He knows that I get angry and that I'm flawed. That's what this morning's sermon was about. How even though we are flawed, we make mistakes, we do wrong, He loves us anyway. "He loves us because of who we are, not in spite of it." He sees past the imperfection, not because He has to but because he can still use us and work on us even if we're broken. At close, the song "He Loves Us" played and I was again reminded that He is on my side. He does care about me and my heartaches.

Clue two was a blogpost. I recently started following a Facebook page called "Scissortail Silk." A blogpost drew me in and today another post tugged at my heart strings. The post was about hope after miscarriage. No, I have never suffered miscarriage. But the sentiment can be applied to my current situation nonetheless. She wrote about Daniel 3:17.

There is a story in the Bible that tells about King Nebuchadnezzar who built a statue of himself and declared that all of the people bow and worship it. Three men of God defied the king and were threatened with death. Their response? “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not… we want you to know, O king that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” 

Even if he does not...

This is what she was writing about. Even if God does not "rescue" us, He is still worthy. He is still good. He is still there. He still hears us.

At church, the past few weeks have been dedicated to Life Verses. Maybe this is mine. This is my ultimate struggle. Trusting God in hard times. Finding Him when I can't feel his grace. Maybe this is my life verse because I need to be reminded that God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

I know I will be afflicted with this feeling of doubtfulness in all the trials of my life. It's my biggest imperfection. But when I least expect it and most need it, God is there to remind me. I am not alone. I do not have to walk alone in my troubles.

"There is hope during cancer." There is hope during any tribulation in life.