Motherhood... Thus far.

Let's face it, there's A TON of parenting advice out there... from the internet, from grandparents, from family members, from friends, from perfect strangers! Do this, don't do that. That's wrong, this is right. Try this, try that. You should [fill in the blank]. In my day, [insert advice].

I don't know a whole lot about motherhood so far but here's the main thing I've learned: Do what works for your family! (except the obvious harmful to baby things)

So here's what else I know:

Things don't go as planned. It seems since labor nothing has gone exactly like we've planned. I didn't plan on being induced. I didn't want an episiotomy (but let's face it, at almost 10lbs it wasn't the worst thing). I wanted an epidural but it quit working. We didn't intend on a NICU stay. Those are just things that happened in the first week! I guess our new family motto should be: Just go with it. We're finding more and more that with a baby, it's hard to make steadfast plans and things sometimes go awry. 

Feed your baby. It doesn't matter how you do it, just get your baby nutrition. This seems to be quite the touchy subject in mommy-land. I never intended on Wesleigh having formula. When you're in the NICU and your baby needs nourishment to get discharged, you'll try just about anything. I'm not less of a mom because my kid had to be on formula for 2 weeks. And if you use it for longer, you're not a bad mom either. I never intended on being a pretty much exclusively pumping momma. But I am. It's more important to me that Wes gets breastmilk than where she gets it from. Bottle or boob, she's getting my milk. I've got a lazy eater. Hell, we even have to pester her to keep her awake to eat from a bottle. Does pumping suck? Sometimes. Is it a bit inconvenient? Sure. But I'll be a working mom soon enough and my child will be drinking pumped milk from a bottle anyhow. Because I started pumping so early, I've got a pretty nice stash saved up so I won't have to stress as much about producing enough milk for daycare and hopefully we can keep her off formula for good (it's expensive!). 

What works for some doesn't necessarily work for others. This could be applied to anything baby related. Anything. Diapers, feeding, sleeping, soothing, cleaning, clothes, activities, childcare, discipline... In our house, my husband and I even do things differently. And while I struggle sometimes to let him just do things his way when he's helping, he's the dad and he can do things however he wants (except that whole no dangerous things thing again). For instance, I like to hold Wesleigh and snuggle her up to put her to sleep. He likes to put her in her sleeper and rock her. I tend to use a big glob of butt paste, he's not as generous. The point is, she's still getting her butt slathered with cream to prevent diaper rash. 

Bodily fluids are just a mom's new accessory. I assume that in a day's span I will inevitably be wearing some form of fluid that comes out of my child. Spit up: check. Pee: check. Poop: that too. At some point in the past 6 weeks, I have worn all three (and so has dad). 

All babies are different. Again, what works for one, might not for others. I heard nothing but rave reviews for Tommee Tippee bottles. So Tommee Tippee we bought. Turns out, Wesleigh does not do so well with Tommee Tippee bottles. The mouth is a bit too wide for her and milk was just spilling out the sides of her mouth. So back to the store we went. She does better with a regular ol' nipple like Dr. Browns. Most babies her age sleep a lot. She's not really into that. During the day, she prefers to fight sleep... and she's really good at it. But at night, she sleeps like a champ. While it'd be nice to have a little more down time during the day to do housework or something, I much prefer our odds that since she already likes to sleep at night, when she's a little older, she'll continue to do so. 

Baby nails are a tricky business! It's one of the most terrifying things about newborns in my opinion. What if you cut too close? What if baby moves and you clip skin? I've used the nail file because it's so risky.

While there are some subjects I'll never be swayed on (vaccines and co-sleeping..) lots of parenting topics are totally customizable to each family and each child. 

And we haven't even scratched the surface of parenting lessons. We're just getting started. We'll still have to face potty training, discipline, school, bras, periods, boys! religion, extracurriculars.. the list is endless. But we'll find what works for us. And while the resources and the advice (solicited or not) are helpful starting points, until we've tried things for ourselves, we won't know what works best for our family. 

The most important thing that I've learned thus far, the thing I learned on day one: there's nothing quite like the love you have for your child. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. I would go to the ends of the Earth to help her, to comfort her, to keep her from pain and disappointment. I would take on all the bad she'll ever experience (and let's face it, life is rough, there will be pain) if it meant she wouldn't have to spend one second feeling it herself. You want only what's best for them and you'd do just about anything to ensure it. You worry. You feel the weight of the world on your shoulders to make all the "right" decisions for them. At the end of the day, all we can do is pray for her and love her. And boy do we love her!

I've also learned that it is entirely possible to love your spouse even more just because of how much they love their kids. 

So here's to watching her grow and doing the best we can! She's already changing so much! She's more alert. She makes the cutest little happy noises. We're on the verge of real, honest to God smiles... not just from gas. She's so strong she'll be rolling over soon enough. She's starting to recognize and follow more. And she's growing like a weed! 

My Husband is a Dad

This post is a month and a week overdue!

I know. I know. I say it all the time but my husband is pretty great. He's been absolutely wonderful since Wesleigh made her arrival.

From the second I called him to tell him that I was in labor he was the epitome of calm. He did his best to try and calm my nerves, which is never an easy task. 

He came straight home and drove us to the hospital. Let's face it, I was a nervous wreck and didn't need to be driving.

From the second they checked me in and hooked me up he was so supportive. He sat by the bedside and held my hand. He got me wet rags to cool me off. He continually told me how good I was doing. 

He was especially awesome during my actual delivery. I was doing fairly well until my epidural wore off. Then I had a complete meltdown. He kept calm. He helped count through my pushes (of course at the time I hated him for not counting faster). He encouraged me like you wouldn't believe when I wanted to give up because well, who wants to feel all 9lbs 8.6oz of baby coming out of their lady parts?! 

After delivery, when things got crazy, he did such a great job of trying to look after both of his girls. I sent him with Wes to the NICU because I thought she needed him more. She was just minutes old and would surely need her daddy. He was so incredible that he went back and forth between her and I until I was settled into a new room and we could both go see her. 

When I woke up after only two hours of sleep hysterical because (a) I was scared for my little girl and (b) I had to pee so bad and couldn't get out of bed because of the pain I was in, he didn't panic. He held me and let me cry then he helped me out of bed. 

We visited the NICU as often as we could. It was so sweet to watch him interact with his daughter. He clearly has a new love in his life and I'm perfectly okay with that. 

Jesse helped me nurse, he helped wash pump parts, he ran errands, he kept us fed. All while running on little sleep and having to go back to work. 

The help didn't stop when we got home. Because Wes was already on bottles in the NICU, it was easy for us to continue that at home. This made it so easy for him to help with feedings so I could sleep. He helps make dinner, clean, do little things around the apartment, run errands. He doesn't complain when he gets home from work and I need help with the baby. He doesn't complain that I hardly ever have dinner made anymore.  

I just don't think I'd be able to do any of this with anybody else. He's the best husband and he's the best daddy our little girl could ask for! 

Being a NICU Mom

We were thrust into the NICU life because baby girl had a bowel movement in utero. After being assessed, the NICU team diagnosed her with distressed breathing so Wesleigh was taken to be monitored.

I never in a million years thought I'd be a NICU mom. It's one of the hardest roles I've had.

When we first got to the NICU, it was four hours after delivery. I had to wait four hours to see my baby. Even then, we only got to stay thirty minutes. She was hooked up to several things: an IV, EKG leads, an OG tube, and oxygen. It was scary to see such a little person hooked up to so many things.

I hardly slept a wink after we had to leave the NICU because Wesleigh's hand IV had come out. After two hours of sleep, I woke up a hormonal crying mess. Of course I woke Jesse and then the nurse came in. I'm sure I scared them both. After the nurse checked my vitals, we hurried off to the NICU.

After a day in the NICU, I knew I wouldn't be a big fan. Some of the nurses were fantastic, but some of them acted like we were a nuisance. I know they see plenty of babies in their line of work but this baby was ours. They each had their own ways of doing things. We'd be doing something one way, then a shift change would happen and the new nurse would correct us. 

It was exhausting. 

Not to mention, trying to breastfeed was tough. It was such a process. Get chairs, get screens, get a breastfriend, I needed a nipple shield. And after all of the preparation, Wes would latch and nurse for 5 minutes then fall asleep. Really asleep. The lactation consultants couldn't even get her to budge. So I pumped. And I pumped and I pumped and I pumped. My milk took FOREVER to come in. In fact, it didn't really until we got home. 

Because Wesleigh wasn't gaining weight, we made the decision to start formula. It's not something we wanted but it's what she needed to get home. I thought I would be devastated that one more thing wasn't going according to plan. It was the opposite. I guess as a mom all that goes out the window when you have to decide what would be best for your child.  So we kept trying to nurse but mostly we formula fed. 

I will never forget the worst day of the NICU stay was Wednesday, the day before we got to leave. The new nurse was not my favorite. The hospital had a cool program that allowed nursing mothers to stay at the hospital as more of a hotel guest than a patient as long as there was a room available and a patient didn't need it. I was lucky enough to get to do this. 

On that day, the doctor had let me know that Wes was going to room in with me so they could watch her off the monitors. Not even two minutes later I got a call saying to pack my things because they needed the room. Talk about a hormonal swing! I panicked and I fell apart.

It was my first day alone, Jesse had gone back to work. I knew he wouldn't be able to come so I called my mom. She hurried to the hospital and stayed until I calmed down. Supposedly because we were going to room in my status had changed at the hospital and they weren't supposed to just kick me out. I waited in limbo all day... With a nurse who seemed to hate everything I was doing. She even questioned what kind of bra I had on.

Finally they gave me a room that wasn't going to be used because of some faulty equipment. Fine by us, we just needed the bed. They told us Wes would be discharged Thursday (probably) so Jesse took off and came to stay with us Wednesday night. 

Thursday morning we were all ready to go when the new nurse (whom I loved) told us Wes' weight was still a concern and we may be staying. 

Thankfully, the NICU pediatrician said we could go because we'd be seeing our pediatrician the next day. We were ecstatic!

Our birth photographer even came and took some extra pictures of her since we missed out on delivery day.

We all put on our going home outfits, Dallas Cowboys attire for everyone, and by lunchtime we were all three home!

I know in my mind that it could've been so much worse. Some of those babies were so tiny and so sick. But in my heart, it felt like the end of the world. 

I'm so thankful that Wes is thriving and doing so well. So now, here we are, just trying to get the hang of parenting; glad that we can put our NICU parent hats back on the rack!