Motherhood... Thus far.

Let's face it, there's A TON of parenting advice out there... from the internet, from grandparents, from family members, from friends, from perfect strangers! Do this, don't do that. That's wrong, this is right. Try this, try that. You should [fill in the blank]. In my day, [insert advice].

I don't know a whole lot about motherhood so far but here's the main thing I've learned: Do what works for your family! (except the obvious harmful to baby things)

So here's what else I know:

Things don't go as planned. It seems since labor nothing has gone exactly like we've planned. I didn't plan on being induced. I didn't want an episiotomy (but let's face it, at almost 10lbs it wasn't the worst thing). I wanted an epidural but it quit working. We didn't intend on a NICU stay. Those are just things that happened in the first week! I guess our new family motto should be: Just go with it. We're finding more and more that with a baby, it's hard to make steadfast plans and things sometimes go awry. 

Feed your baby. It doesn't matter how you do it, just get your baby nutrition. This seems to be quite the touchy subject in mommy-land. I never intended on Wesleigh having formula. When you're in the NICU and your baby needs nourishment to get discharged, you'll try just about anything. I'm not less of a mom because my kid had to be on formula for 2 weeks. And if you use it for longer, you're not a bad mom either. I never intended on being a pretty much exclusively pumping momma. But I am. It's more important to me that Wes gets breastmilk than where she gets it from. Bottle or boob, she's getting my milk. I've got a lazy eater. Hell, we even have to pester her to keep her awake to eat from a bottle. Does pumping suck? Sometimes. Is it a bit inconvenient? Sure. But I'll be a working mom soon enough and my child will be drinking pumped milk from a bottle anyhow. Because I started pumping so early, I've got a pretty nice stash saved up so I won't have to stress as much about producing enough milk for daycare and hopefully we can keep her off formula for good (it's expensive!). 

What works for some doesn't necessarily work for others. This could be applied to anything baby related. Anything. Diapers, feeding, sleeping, soothing, cleaning, clothes, activities, childcare, discipline... In our house, my husband and I even do things differently. And while I struggle sometimes to let him just do things his way when he's helping, he's the dad and he can do things however he wants (except that whole no dangerous things thing again). For instance, I like to hold Wesleigh and snuggle her up to put her to sleep. He likes to put her in her sleeper and rock her. I tend to use a big glob of butt paste, he's not as generous. The point is, she's still getting her butt slathered with cream to prevent diaper rash. 

Bodily fluids are just a mom's new accessory. I assume that in a day's span I will inevitably be wearing some form of fluid that comes out of my child. Spit up: check. Pee: check. Poop: that too. At some point in the past 6 weeks, I have worn all three (and so has dad). 

All babies are different. Again, what works for one, might not for others. I heard nothing but rave reviews for Tommee Tippee bottles. So Tommee Tippee we bought. Turns out, Wesleigh does not do so well with Tommee Tippee bottles. The mouth is a bit too wide for her and milk was just spilling out the sides of her mouth. So back to the store we went. She does better with a regular ol' nipple like Dr. Browns. Most babies her age sleep a lot. She's not really into that. During the day, she prefers to fight sleep... and she's really good at it. But at night, she sleeps like a champ. While it'd be nice to have a little more down time during the day to do housework or something, I much prefer our odds that since she already likes to sleep at night, when she's a little older, she'll continue to do so. 

Baby nails are a tricky business! It's one of the most terrifying things about newborns in my opinion. What if you cut too close? What if baby moves and you clip skin? I've used the nail file because it's so risky.

While there are some subjects I'll never be swayed on (vaccines and co-sleeping..) lots of parenting topics are totally customizable to each family and each child. 

And we haven't even scratched the surface of parenting lessons. We're just getting started. We'll still have to face potty training, discipline, school, bras, periods, boys! religion, extracurriculars.. the list is endless. But we'll find what works for us. And while the resources and the advice (solicited or not) are helpful starting points, until we've tried things for ourselves, we won't know what works best for our family. 

The most important thing that I've learned thus far, the thing I learned on day one: there's nothing quite like the love you have for your child. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. I would go to the ends of the Earth to help her, to comfort her, to keep her from pain and disappointment. I would take on all the bad she'll ever experience (and let's face it, life is rough, there will be pain) if it meant she wouldn't have to spend one second feeling it herself. You want only what's best for them and you'd do just about anything to ensure it. You worry. You feel the weight of the world on your shoulders to make all the "right" decisions for them. At the end of the day, all we can do is pray for her and love her. And boy do we love her!

I've also learned that it is entirely possible to love your spouse even more just because of how much they love their kids. 

So here's to watching her grow and doing the best we can! She's already changing so much! She's more alert. She makes the cutest little happy noises. We're on the verge of real, honest to God smiles... not just from gas. She's so strong she'll be rolling over soon enough. She's starting to recognize and follow more. And she's growing like a weed! 

My Husband is a Dad

This post is a month and a week overdue!

I know. I know. I say it all the time but my husband is pretty great. He's been absolutely wonderful since Wesleigh made her arrival.

From the second I called him to tell him that I was in labor he was the epitome of calm. He did his best to try and calm my nerves, which is never an easy task. 

He came straight home and drove us to the hospital. Let's face it, I was a nervous wreck and didn't need to be driving.

From the second they checked me in and hooked me up he was so supportive. He sat by the bedside and held my hand. He got me wet rags to cool me off. He continually told me how good I was doing. 

He was especially awesome during my actual delivery. I was doing fairly well until my epidural wore off. Then I had a complete meltdown. He kept calm. He helped count through my pushes (of course at the time I hated him for not counting faster). He encouraged me like you wouldn't believe when I wanted to give up because well, who wants to feel all 9lbs 8.6oz of baby coming out of their lady parts?! 

After delivery, when things got crazy, he did such a great job of trying to look after both of his girls. I sent him with Wes to the NICU because I thought she needed him more. She was just minutes old and would surely need her daddy. He was so incredible that he went back and forth between her and I until I was settled into a new room and we could both go see her. 

When I woke up after only two hours of sleep hysterical because (a) I was scared for my little girl and (b) I had to pee so bad and couldn't get out of bed because of the pain I was in, he didn't panic. He held me and let me cry then he helped me out of bed. 

We visited the NICU as often as we could. It was so sweet to watch him interact with his daughter. He clearly has a new love in his life and I'm perfectly okay with that. 

Jesse helped me nurse, he helped wash pump parts, he ran errands, he kept us fed. All while running on little sleep and having to go back to work. 

The help didn't stop when we got home. Because Wes was already on bottles in the NICU, it was easy for us to continue that at home. This made it so easy for him to help with feedings so I could sleep. He helps make dinner, clean, do little things around the apartment, run errands. He doesn't complain when he gets home from work and I need help with the baby. He doesn't complain that I hardly ever have dinner made anymore.  

I just don't think I'd be able to do any of this with anybody else. He's the best husband and he's the best daddy our little girl could ask for! 

Being a NICU Mom

We were thrust into the NICU life because baby girl had a bowel movement in utero. After being assessed, the NICU team diagnosed her with distressed breathing so Wesleigh was taken to be monitored.

I never in a million years thought I'd be a NICU mom. It's one of the hardest roles I've had.

When we first got to the NICU, it was four hours after delivery. I had to wait four hours to see my baby. Even then, we only got to stay thirty minutes. She was hooked up to several things: an IV, EKG leads, an OG tube, and oxygen. It was scary to see such a little person hooked up to so many things.

I hardly slept a wink after we had to leave the NICU because Wesleigh's hand IV had come out. After two hours of sleep, I woke up a hormonal crying mess. Of course I woke Jesse and then the nurse came in. I'm sure I scared them both. After the nurse checked my vitals, we hurried off to the NICU.

After a day in the NICU, I knew I wouldn't be a big fan. Some of the nurses were fantastic, but some of them acted like we were a nuisance. I know they see plenty of babies in their line of work but this baby was ours. They each had their own ways of doing things. We'd be doing something one way, then a shift change would happen and the new nurse would correct us. 

It was exhausting. 

Not to mention, trying to breastfeed was tough. It was such a process. Get chairs, get screens, get a breastfriend, I needed a nipple shield. And after all of the preparation, Wes would latch and nurse for 5 minutes then fall asleep. Really asleep. The lactation consultants couldn't even get her to budge. So I pumped. And I pumped and I pumped and I pumped. My milk took FOREVER to come in. In fact, it didn't really until we got home. 

Because Wesleigh wasn't gaining weight, we made the decision to start formula. It's not something we wanted but it's what she needed to get home. I thought I would be devastated that one more thing wasn't going according to plan. It was the opposite. I guess as a mom all that goes out the window when you have to decide what would be best for your child.  So we kept trying to nurse but mostly we formula fed. 

I will never forget the worst day of the NICU stay was Wednesday, the day before we got to leave. The new nurse was not my favorite. The hospital had a cool program that allowed nursing mothers to stay at the hospital as more of a hotel guest than a patient as long as there was a room available and a patient didn't need it. I was lucky enough to get to do this. 

On that day, the doctor had let me know that Wes was going to room in with me so they could watch her off the monitors. Not even two minutes later I got a call saying to pack my things because they needed the room. Talk about a hormonal swing! I panicked and I fell apart.

It was my first day alone, Jesse had gone back to work. I knew he wouldn't be able to come so I called my mom. She hurried to the hospital and stayed until I calmed down. Supposedly because we were going to room in my status had changed at the hospital and they weren't supposed to just kick me out. I waited in limbo all day... With a nurse who seemed to hate everything I was doing. She even questioned what kind of bra I had on.

Finally they gave me a room that wasn't going to be used because of some faulty equipment. Fine by us, we just needed the bed. They told us Wes would be discharged Thursday (probably) so Jesse took off and came to stay with us Wednesday night. 

Thursday morning we were all ready to go when the new nurse (whom I loved) told us Wes' weight was still a concern and we may be staying. 

Thankfully, the NICU pediatrician said we could go because we'd be seeing our pediatrician the next day. We were ecstatic!

Our birth photographer even came and took some extra pictures of her since we missed out on delivery day.

We all put on our going home outfits, Dallas Cowboys attire for everyone, and by lunchtime we were all three home!

I know in my mind that it could've been so much worse. Some of those babies were so tiny and so sick. But in my heart, it felt like the end of the world. 

I'm so thankful that Wes is thriving and doing so well. So now, here we are, just trying to get the hang of parenting; glad that we can put our NICU parent hats back on the rack!

Birth Story

Holy whirlwind Batman!

A checkup at the doctor on 11/14/14 turned into "get to the hospital, we're going to induce you today." I was on bed rest for high blood pressure for a week and a half. At my Friday appointment, it was the highest it had been. So, cue panicked calls to the right people. I called Jesse at Amazon and told him it was go time. Even though I was instructed to go straight to the hospital, I wasn't about to go all unprepared. Jesse and I met up at our place and grabbed all of the bags.... good thing I finally got around to packing them! I called my mom and dad and told them I was being induced.

Jesse and I got to the hospital around lunchtime. By 2:30pm I was checked in and hooked up. They started me on Pitocin to get me contracting. Nothing major happened for hours and at 6:00pm the on-call doctor took pity on me and turned the meds off so that I could eat and shower. After almost 4 hours, I was still only dilated to maybe 2cm. So I ate and showered and then they inserted a medication called Cervadil. I hardly slept a wink. Nurses coming in to check the monitors (turns out baby didn't like having their heartbeat tracked so there was lots of monitor adjusting), machines beeping, nerves in high gear. The Cervadil worked through the night and the next morning they took that out and started the Pitocin again. At 11:30am when I was still only 2cm dilated, the doctor came in and broke my water. SO. MUCH. GUSHING. I felt like there must have been 5 gallons of liquid leaking... all day long. Turns out, there was meconium in my amniotic fluid because baby had a bowel movement. The nurse said it may have been due to stress from my high blood pressure. This meant that the NICU team would be called when it was time to deliver.

Well having my water broken did the trick to strengthen my contractions. By 1:00pm I was begging for an epidural. I felt amazing after they got it going. At about 3:00pm when I was still not really dilating, the nurse started to put me into some rather wonky positions. I was on my side with one leg held up in the stirrup and the other stretched behind me. Every 45 minutes or so the nurse would come in a flip me. She also had me sitting up on the edge of the bed. All this to try and get baby to descend further into the birth canal. By 3:45pm when the doctor came to check my cervix, I was 5cm dilated. He inserted an internal contraction monitor so that they could see how strong my contractions actually were.

Finally about 10pm I was 10 cm dilated! It was time to start pushing. Of course, nothing had been easy about my labor so why should pushing be any different? My epidural started to wear off in the throws of pushing. Besides for that going on, I was also very nauseous. In fact, it helped me push baby out because I started vomiting. It really helped get baby in the right position so for that I guess I should be grateful. I have no idea what time it was but when baby was crowning they called Dr. Sabella to come in to catch baby. He was fairly upset when he got setup for delivery only to learn that I could feel EVERYTHING that he was doing. They rushed to get me some more numbing medicine (including shots of local anesthetic right where you're thinking!). He gave me a 2nd degree episiotomy to accommodate baby's big head.

With Jesse's awesome coaching skills, I had kept it together pretty well. But, when baby started crowning, I fell apart. I was screaming, I did a little cussing, I told them to get baby out or put baby back in. By then, I just needed delivery to be over. It's true what they say though, once baby is out there is an instant feeling of relief and boy was it ever! I was so anxious to find out baby's sex and was about to have a fit when what I thought was an annoying gesture turned into a sweet one. Before labor, Dr. Sabella asked what the names were going to be for baby. When baby came out he started singing "Happy Birthday." Of course I just kept asking, "what is it?!" Then I heard it, "Happy Birthday dear Wesleigh, happy birthday to you!" A little girl. Jesse cut the cord and the doctor took his guess that I had just given birth to a 10lb baby. He was close. After some confusion, we finally figured out her stats: Wesleigh Rae was born 11/15/14 at 11:19pm weighing a whopping 9lbs 8.6oz and measuring 21.5in long.

Insert chaos. The NICU team had been called in because of the meconium issue. They started assessing Wesleigh and determined that her breathing was too fast. They were going to take her to the NICU for more evaluation. Jesse  had gone over to the baby incubator with her and when I was told they were taking her, I sent him with her. Poor guy didn't know which of us needed him more. As all of this was going on with Wesleigh, I was experiencing a postpartum hemorrhage. I was losing more blood than they liked. After they sewed me up, which I could feel (Ouch!), they started poking and prodding me. From what I remember, the doctor inserted medicine rectally, I was given shots in both legs, they attempted a second IV (even though I told them it was pointless), and they hung up new meds in my existing IV. All I can really remember is I was so dizzy and so concerned about Wesleigh. Nobody was telling me anything because all of the people working on me weren't working on her.

A nurse finally brought her over to me but because they had laid me so far back and because I was so dizzy I didn't feel comfortable holding her. It's a moment I missed out on and I'll always be sorry I did. I only got to see my daughter for a fleeting moment before they whisked her away.

They finally got me to stop bleeding and just like that the room was empty. It was like nothing had ever happened. Jesse came back to check on me when he had to leave the NICU so they could get Wesleigh taken care of. I remember having a melt down. Besides still being light headed, I felt guilty. The nurse had mentioned my high blood pressure could have caused the bowel movement and my hormones were raging. Those moments can go on the top three list for times I felt most helpless and most afraid. And I was literally paralyzed (from the waist down) and couldn't do anything to help either of us.

Thankfully the dizziness subsided. I was able to get a little update from Jesse and he had brought pictures to show me of our sweet little girl. She was covered in tubes and wires but she was beautiful and she was ours. My epidural finally wore off again and I was allowed to be moved to a recovery room after a while of being observed. When they finally got me settled in my new room, they wheeled me to the NICU and we finally got to hold our little girl. Wes was in the NICU for 6 days and that was a whole different experience. I was so relieved when we all got to go home.

So, labor and delivery were nothing like we planned. In fact, in birth class they tell you to write out a birth plan. I could have written 100 birth plans and none of them would have been remotely close to this. I wish so many things had gone differently. The panic, the episiotomy, the epidural not working properly, the meconium, the NICU, the postpartum hemorrhage, not getting to hold my baby, our families not being able to see baby after waiting 30+ hours. I am, however, thankful that at the end of the day we all survived to tell about it. 

Induction

Well, that escalated quickly! I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and my blood pressure was as high as it has been... So off to the hospital we were sent!

I was a bit shocked to say the least. I called Jesse and he met me at home to grab our bags and we headed to St. Luke's. After what seemed like an eternity, we were put in Labor and Delivery room 9. At about 2:30pm I was finally hooked up to pitocin to try and kick start labor. It certainly did cause contractions! I hadn't been feeling them on my own but the pitocin took care of that. At 6pm when I hadn't made any more progress than the 1.5cm I arrived at, the doctor took pity on me and stopped the meds so I could eat and shower. At about 8:30pm they gave me a different medicine called cervadil. That was in all night. This morning they removed that and I got checked... 2 whopping centimeters after all that. 

They are going to start me back on the pitocin soon. The only good news is that I'm starting to feel contractions on my own without the meds. 

Also, in my boredom this morning while Jesse snoozes away, I found out that our baby will share a birthday with Sam Waterston aka Jack Mcoy of Law and Order (if baby makes their grand arrival today). How appropriate :)

Pregnancy Woes

Sometimes pregnancy stinks. All the unknowns are a tough pill to swallow. 

Our last two appointments haven't gone as swimmingly as we'd hoped.

Two weeks ago we went to the doctor for our first real check on baby's delivery status. We had an ultrasound that estimated baby was rather large. Head down, but big. The doctor is a bit concerned that if baby gets too much bigger before our due date that baby won't fit through the birth canal. This brings up fun topics like induction and c-section. My OB said she'd rather I not go past my due date so hopefully baby will come out on its own soon.

This week brought on a whole new issue; high blood pressure. I have not had one bad blood pressure reading this whole pregnancy, yesterday I registered a whopping 146/95! That along with what the doctor perceived to be more swelling than usual landed me on bed rest. Until I'm cleared by blood work, the bed and I are best friends.

The good news is that I kept my feet propped up all afternoon and all night and my feet actually look like feet today, not sausages. The swelling in my legs seems to be less too. I feel fine so hopefully the blood pressure reading was a fluke due to stress (which seems even more abundant this week). 

Still not dilated much but apparently my cervix is thinning a bit. Baby was still head down this week which was about the only good news I got yesterday. 

Oh, and pelvic exams are a thing of the devil.

UPDATE: 

We heard back from the doctor today and all of my blood work came back normal. High blood pressure seems to have just been stress. I'm still on bed rest until our next appointment Monday morning but I'm feeling fine. I think the extra rest has done me much good if nothing else. Still waiting for baby to get this show on the road!!

Baby's Almost Here

Today I am 36 weeks pregnant! Can you believe it!?

The past two months we have been taking all kinds of baby classes. We took a breast feeding class, a baby care class, and a birthing class. Some of it was a bit overwhelming but definitely stuff we need to know. There's a lot of things to know about bringing a newborn home and the classes made us feel a bit more prepared.

I finally packed us a hospital bag and filled the diaper bag so I guess all we really need to do is figure out how to install the car seat!

Life seems to be slowing a bit which I'm extremely thankful for because for the past few months it was go, go, go! 

For your viewing pleasure... We hired a photographer, Brittany Brooks Photography, to take some maternity photos of us.